Confession

I.....have a confession. I don't know where this fits in the scheme of things, but I can't talk to many people about it, because they'd think me nuts. My husband thinks me nuts already, he's not on the same page at all. I am torn, unsure, and hoping things shift for us financially in a major way! Why? Because that's the #1 thing that will shift hubby's mind about moving forward at all. We need to be in a better financial position for sure, and that is the only reason I think of myself as crazy.

What is all of this nutty crazy talk, already? Well, it is widely known among our family and friends that I have wanted three children for a long time. Three seemed to be the magic number, a healing number if you will, since my brother and I had a third sibling who was lost late in pregnancy. We now have two beautiful and healthy boys, the elder is 3 years, 4 months, and the younger will be 6 months tomorrow. The crazy thing is....the absolute second my second son was born, as I was looking into his face - in complete shock and wonder at this new life...I thought - no, I KNEW - I could do this not just one, but several more times. I want a houseful of kids, a bundle of them to fill our home with laughter and tears, with fun and with fights, with drama and love. I want to spread my wings out wide and take them all under, show them what love is and means and how to grow into loving, caring, wonderful adults who can make changes in this cruel, yet beautiful world. I want to shower a houseful of kids with kisses and tickles, with wise words and wisdom, as well as prove to myself and them that they are more wise than I ever will be. It's such a blessing and a fantastic opportunity to be a mother, a parent, and I want not just two, or three, but more - however many will bless us.

Crazy, I know...but I will see it through to whatever point that may be - so long as my hubby agrees he has the heart to share, and we have the money to make things work.

Now to squeeze my little...while he is still little.